Six Thoughts at A Chinese Hospital As Told by Gifs

To anyone who has had an experience in a Chinese hospital, I commend you. It was a new cultural experience to say the least. I mean, isn't that why I moved in the first place? Let's just get straight to the nitty gritty:

1. How can so many people fit into this building? This is a fire hazard.
But actually, the hospital made the subway look tame.

2. Mother of god, is that a f&$^ing drive-thru window to get my blood drawn?!!

I want to be joking, but I'm not.  I'm terrified of getting my blood drawn in general .

3. When was the last time that woman changed her gloves?

Lawd, help me.

4. I don't care if it's nine am, I need a drink, or five.

At this point I'd had my blood drawn in a drive-thru blood draw window, watched my friend almost pass out, stood in line for 45 minutes to get an x-ray and been felt up by an aging Chinese woman. 

5. I have made a huge mistake. 

This is actually my nightmare.

6. I'M ALIVE. I SURVIVED. 

Of course, they took my blood pressure last. I'm sure it was through the roof. 

All things aside, after getting over the initial terror, everyone was super nice and the experience wasn't as terrifying as I'd imagined. 

8 Pleasant Surprises

I live outside of my comfort zone daily hourly in Beijing. This city is amazing, but damn do I miss distinctly U.S. comforts. Here are seven pleasant surprises I've noticed in the last two months:

1. Produce is cheap. 
Cooking at home is my zen. There is nothing I love more than digging into a meal that I created or being able to share that meal with others. When I first got to Beijing I was trapped in a prison-like hotel room. There was one window, but the window looked out into the hall (which I still don't get). The only kitchenesque tools I had were a ziploc container, a little soup spoon, and a hot water maker. I will admit that I probably (coughcoughdefinitelycoughcough) ate more Ramen noodles than one person should in a two week period. I wanted nothing more to cook myself a meal or make a delicious salad. When I finally moved into my apartment I all of my wishes came true.... there is a giant wet market with so much cheap produce. It's basically heaven on earth every time I walk in to buy groceries. So cheap. So delicious. So happy.

That farmer's market though....

2. When your dinner comes out looking like the photo posted on the restaurant's menu.
This is a crucial pleasant surprise. Chinese menus with photos are now solely to blame for my trust issues. More than once I have ordered a dish and had and ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LOOKING DISH placed in front of my face. In case you ever visit, Mala Tang and Hot Pot are safe bets. Always. You know exactly what you're getting because you make your own!

New favorite food Hot Pot!

3. A stranger translates for you, even when you don't ask.
I had an instance on the sub about a week back when this adorable little old woman was leaning over to look at my Kindle, giggled, and said something in Chinese. I gave her the saddest blank stare because I had no idea what was going on. Another passenger goes, "She thinks your writing looks funny". I just lost it and started laughing too. I spent the next 15 minutes of my ride talking with both of the people. It feels good to be able to communicate, even with a medium, because I feel like I am getting a better understanding of what is going on around me. Everything is so different. It feels good to have some sort of an idea of what I am doing.

4.When other expats recognize your sorority/ university/ sport's team shirt, then hunt you down to talk to you.
 I can't even begin to describe how nice this is. I've made so many friends in Beijing wearing my Lewis and Clark Football shirt, my Pi Phi shirt, and my Shark's shirt. Familiarity is key in China and when another expat recognizes something, they jump all over it. Myself included.

5.Seeing a perfect sky.
Blue skies aren't frequent. When you get them, it's a damn good day.

I took these a week a part. Not even the same city. 

6. Mcdonald's French Fries at 3 AM taste just like they do at home.

No words for what went down this night.

7. You can BYOB to most restaurants. For free. 
MY FAVORITE PART OF BEIJING! You can, in most establishments, bring your own booze/ drink in for free. The best.

8. When cars stop for you (pedestrian you) in the crosswalk.
Beijing has done an absolutely fantastical job of teaching me how to be an aggressive pedestrian. Yes, you read that right. What South America scared out of me, Asia brought right back in a blazing glory. You have to be aggressive in any facet of your life to get anything done. You have to be an aggressive subway rider if you want to catch the sub. You have to be an aggressive umbrella-er when it rains or you're going to get poked in the face a lot. You have to be an aggressive pedestrian or you're never going to cross the street. Ever.

I am sure there are many other things that I can't think of. Today I survived my first Chinese hospital experience. That will be an entire other post for another time because it deserves an entire post to itself. Sorry I haven't been posting lately, my computer charger broke on me! I'm going to get another one soon! Stay tuned!

12 Reasons Why Moving To China Feels Like You've Gone Back To College

1. You constantly have no idea where you are/ where you're going/ have that one guy who tells you, "Don't worry, it's like two blocks this way".... you arrive nearly forty minutes later, disgruntled and drenched. Beijing blocks are no joke.

One time I had to buy an umbrella. I wasn't impressed. 

2. You have to figure out all the "spots" in town. Spot to buy your western groceries or groceries in general. Spot that accepts credit card (few and farrrrrr between). Spot to find clothes that are going to fit your giant western ass. Spot to get your phone reloaded. Spot that has cheapest pasta. Spot that has the best cheese selection because cheese is like the holy grail over here. Spot with the best steam buns. Spot that has the cheapest beer....

Our favorite spot- Sanlitun ;).

3. Which leads me to #3: Most local beers are roughly 50 cents for 600ml. Hello Freshman fifteen... or what I like to call the "Beijing Bulge". I regret nothing....

4. You drink in the streets. Because you can. Because Beijing.

Don't mind if I do.

5. Your friends all invite you out on Monday- Thursday nights because you know you don't have to get up for work until 2pm or later the next day. Damn near feels like I've raided the class schedule to get the latest starting classes so I can stay up as late as I deem fit the night before.

I love my coworkers.

6. You begin to invent bizarre food combos since you still can't read ingredient labels because everything is in Chinese characters. Today was a laughing cow cheese salsa sandwich. Judge me. Groceries are bought for two reasons: 1. they're cheap, you're poor and 2. they remotely resemble something from back home. You've hit the jackpot if you recognize the label.

You so precious.

7. Macaroni and cheese day is basically Christmas come early.

8. The expat community is connected by, at most, two degrees of separation. Have fun with that.

Representing two countries and five states.

9. You walk or take public transportation. EVERYWHERE.

I can barely breathe, let alone move.

10. You live in a quirky apartment that continuously reveals its quirkiness. And by reveals I mean has something break. Thank goodness our landlords are wonderful.

11. You eat ramen noodles with no shame. In case you thought ramen noodles couldn't get any cheaper, you were wrong.

No shame. None.

12. There is always that one guy on the subway that smells like a liquor cabinet. And that one person usually ends up giving you contact intoxication.

There are actually no complaints in this recent epiphany of mine. In fact, I rather enjoy feeling like I am back at University once more. Here is to the next 11 months of sort of feeling like an undergrad again!

The Cacophony of Beijing Downpours

Beijing gives an entire new meaning to the saying, " When it rains, it pours"... because in Beijing when it pours, it pours.  And yesterday I got to walk home through one of those 'it pours' moments. During this moment, I had a few things run through my mind:

Oh my goodnes. 

-My god. How does it rain this much? Born and raised in rainy Oregon and this is still absolutely ridiculous. 

-Is this how you hold an umbrella? *looks around inconspicuously to stare at other umbrella holders to make sure I am, in fact, holding the umbrella correctly*

-Does this mean I am going to see the sky tomorrow? Ehhhhhhhhhhh- Probably not. (Spoiler alert: I haven't seen the sky in the last three days, didn't come out today either).

The street to my apartment. 

-If I think the trumpeting of Beijing car horns, scooter horns, and/or bicycle during normal days is bad, this is the absolute worst.

-Never again will I giggle at people who have an affinity for rubber shoes such as crocs, flip flops, etc.  In fact, I will probably invest in some as well because these converse are not equipped for rain like this. 

-Mother of god that woman is wearing a full trash bag as a coat. The ingenuity of Chinese people during rainstorms is fascinating! 

-Oh! A waterfall from the top of the side walk to the bottom! How aesthetically pleasing! Now I have to figure out how to maneuver my way around that without getting hit by a car or being drenched with potentially toxic run-off. 

-I don't even want to know the kind of crap this rainstorm is washing out from the streets. The water is literally black.

- I think the rain may be burning my skin off....Ok, maybe I'm like 85% feeling phantom burning, but I'm pretty sure the other 15% is legit.

- OH MY GOD THIS LAKE WAS CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A SIMPLE PUDDLE. I then realize all Beijing "puddles" are lies and they are never to be trusted.

- Is this how Noah felt when the flood was coming?

- I don't care if this thing is saving my hair/ skin/ clothes, I still hate umbrellas.

I survived the downpour walk from the subway station back to my apartment, took off my pants, and then my roommate came home and invited me to go get Mexican food AND margaritas. This one time, I put my pants back on.  I'm glad I did because those nachos with sour cream and that passionfruit margarita made my Friday that much better. 

                                       

Small update to the Beijing rain: 

It's pouring again. I lit my Ikea vanilla candles. I'm drinking tea and devouring Game of Thrones. My neighbor is playing piano beautifully next door. This feels like heaven.