Success

I didn't exactly grow up living like Paris Hilton, which I am beyond ok with. My family provided more than enough to get by, with set backs of course. When I was 8 or 9 (I can't honestly give you an exact age because I I tried to block it out) much of our house was destroyed by a horrible flood. I know we lost a lot, but I was mainly concerned that my sand box had been washed away in the destruction. Granted we probably had three feet of water rushing through our living at one point, but I was pissed because my favorite plastic shark got washed away.

This huge life event was easily the catalyst in my urge to become some person who was wealthy and powerful. Probably because I felt so small and helpless at the time. All I wanted was to live in a big house. I wanted that damn Bentley. The prestige. All of those things. Graduating high school I was so determined to get out and become some high power lawyer who raked in millions. That's all I wanted. I didn't care about anything else, just that cash money or how I could grab as many material things as I could lay my hands on....

Now, here I am, nearly 25 (when the hell did that happen??) and working in a school district as a Teacher's Assistant. Not exactly what I imagined, but I'll take it all the same. My job is actually pretty great, tiny complaints aside. The shape of what I deemed as success has definitely (and thankfully) changed and is ever-evolving as I get older. As I get to experience the world in different ways I realize what I gauge as "success" is hardly a shell of what I started out with:

No longer is my "success" measured by how big a house I will have or how nice of car I will buy, but by how many stamps I can get into my passport? How many lives can I touch? How many lives can touch mine? How many adventures can these two legs take me on? What kinds of foods can I experience? What kind of cultural mishaps can I finagle my way out of? I may not have been able to buy a car by 25, nor will I probably be able to buy a house by 30, but I have got to dig up beads in the Philippines that were still just as bright and beautiful as the day they were buried. I almost died in Argentina during a freak rain storm that led us to traversing a mountainside and walking through knee-deep mud for nearly 5 (or more, who knows) hours. I've protested in Washington D.C. I got a stamp from Ireland in my passport dated March 17th. I got to watch a ritual pig slaughter. I've climbed to the top of the Eiffel Tower. I rambled around the catacombs of the Smithsonian and accidently wandered into classrooms during lessons. I almost died on a flight out of Santiago, Chile. I've explored ruins of the Great Wall of China with my best friend. I've gotten lost in Nice, France far too late at night. I've gawked a Sun Fish in the Milan, Italy Aquarium. I've swam in waters beneath mile long waterfalls that simultaneously touched 2 countries at once (Argentina and Brasil). I've walked across the Golden Gate Bridge. I've thrown a surprise party for my best friend's birthday on a hostel rooftop in Montevideo, Uruguay. I've taken shots of tequila in Mexico. I've met some of the most incredible people on this great Earth.

My memories are as priceless as they are endless and I wouldn't trade or change them for the any amount of money (well, maybe some more plane tickets) or material wealth.  Success is such a fickle, fleeting thing. Right now my six month image of success involves climbing up and down rice terraces, digging in the dirt and impacting the history of South East Asia. And that image of success makes my heart beat just a little bit faster and my smile just a little bit wider.

We live in such a beautiful world and it would be a damn shame and waste to miss out on any of it because of some outdated indoctrination that I need a two story house with two kids, a Labrador and a white picket fence. I can work for all of those things when I am ready and willing. For now though, I am going to have fun experiencing this planet we call home.

Parents visit and I regret drinking, per usual

My beautiful family

Tried to get dad to take a photo, he opted for a selfie.

My family is in town for the weekend! Yay! Considering I haven't visited them since November seeing them has been wonderful. Even more exciting: my mom had gastric bypass surgery recently and she looks AMAZING!!

Mom and I

Last night Tucker and I splurged and took them to a San Jose Shark's Hockey game, needless to say, they were enthralled. Even more, they had a blast. I will let the photos speak for themselves at the end of my post. I also had far TOO MUCH fun and I am paying for it dearly today. Every time I drink I am happily reminded that this body is not built like a 20 year old any more. Every. Damn. Time

Mom and Pop being all cutesy on the way to the game. 

There are so many big things happening in my life this year!! This summer is about to be one of the craziest adventures yet and I can hardly wait! I will be leaving (hopefully) June 11th and returning in the middle of August. I am hoping Tucker can make a trip out East to meet up with me in August. We really want to visit Japan together and I am PRAYING it is going to happen! Fingers crossed!

Stay tuned for other BIG announcements about my next year. I am so excited for all the new things!!!!

At least he puts up with me :)

Life is about to get fucking nuts.

I am writing this post March 20th (and posting it whenever life becomes finalized), because this is the day my husband and I (emphasis on the duality of this) decided that I should go teach abroad. This endeavor has been one that has weighed upon my mind for years. Since my bestie from college moved to China, I have wanted to do the same, yet I never could get the guff to go off on such an adventure. Sure, a month or two in South America or the Philippines was easy, but a year away (or more) from my husband? In a foreign country? Across the fucking globe? Am I capable of that? Are we capable of that?

I guess we're going to find out.

This next year is about to be one of the biggest of my life. I am determined to move across the world and toss myself head long into the flames. One of my biggest dreams is about to come true and, once again, it is a bi-product of the unending pillar of support from my #1 fan and best friend. How did I get so lucky? To marry a man who has pushed me to go, to follow each one of my dreams to the fullest extent without looking back? I am truly a lucky woman to have found such a wonderful human.

I literally have a billion things running through my mind right now. I don't even....

The Biggest Adventure: Part Duex.

Continuing on my theme of adventure: Round 2. I will be leaving for Asia in early June again. Field work doesn't start until the end of the month so I will be using the time before then to visit all the places in South East Asia that I did not get to last year. Which was basically all of them. Hopefully my husband and I will be able to finish my trip together in Japan for a couple of weeks! It will be the first time he and I have traveled together


So this summer my travel plans will (hopefully) look something like this:

June 11th- fly to Manila. This is the best place to start such an adventure, Manila honestly is one of the greatest cities I have been to. I highly recommend it for travels. Fun fun fun fun fun place.

June 13th- Catch a flight to Bangkok, Thailand. Proceed to enjoy Thailand from June 13th-June 18th (or later. Who knows, I'm thinking that I am just going to go where the wind may take me). Love every minute of it. Drink the drinks, eat the noms, gorge myself on ridiculous amounts of cheap street food, get sick, regret nothing and write about all my adventures.

June 19th- Leave early for Cambodia. Make the trip to Siem Reap. Hopefully I can find some one in my hostel to travel with. Stay in Siem Reap until June 26th. Temple the shit out of myself. Eat Cambodian food. Rent a bike and travel around. Take in the beauty. Love life.

June 26th- Either head back to Bangkok or catch a flight from Siem Reap back to Manila.

June 27th- July 31st- Being a grown up and visiting Ifugao once more. Work my ass off. Dig in the dirt. Miss my 3rd wedding anniversary (going on two consecutive years of missing anniversaries....ooooops). Spend my 25th birthday in the middle of no where drinking dollar-ish beers and complaining about no hot water. Be excited if where we are staying has toilet seats. Walk a mile up hill to get to the field every day. Ask myself what the fuck I am doing constantly. Get a damn nice tan. Love that I am back where I left my heart last summer.

August 1st (or 2nd or 3rd)- Depending on what Hubs decides either A. Fly to Tokyo and see Japan finally. Which is weird because I never thought I would say that. If that doesn't work out then I am going to make a trip to Boracay- which is an island in the Philippines. I will then lay on the beach for 4 or 5 days.

August 13th- come home.

More adventures to come in September or October though ;). Life is about to get crazy.

The Biggest Adventure

Last summer I spent in the Philippines, excavating a place known as Old Kiyyangan Village with some of the brightest and most caring individuals I have ever met. The entire experience was surreal.  Literally everything was out of my comfort zone. From arriving into Manila at three in the morning. To my first night in Kiangan, in my mosquito net fort, listening to a billion sounds that horrified me to the depths of my soul. The cockroaches (which are my biggest phobia) were bigger than I could imagine. The bugs. The long and disgusting days in the field. Tapeworms. The rain water showers. The lack of toilet seats. Forgetting what hot water felt like. Missing wine. Missing my family. Having no real connection to the outside world.

Even through all of those trials, I fell in love. I fell in love with everything the Philippines had to offer, down to the biggest and nastiest cockroach. I fell for the people, who accepted me with open and loving arms. The food- even though I haven't been able to look at Tilapia since I came home. All of it. I try to find one negative with spending all that time away in a place I could have never imagined visiting with no luck. Kiangan is, and always will be, my special paradise. My spot.

So, yesterday I work, I made the call. I am going back. I have to go back. Since I stepped foot off that island in July I haven't been the same. My husband has even told me he felt like I left a little part of my heart there. It is no secret by now that I most definitely did.

This summer I will be returning for a month to excavate the Hapao Rice Terrace cluster. Last summer I was blessed to watch a ritual pig sacrifice to question the spirits of the ancestors of our excavation and they happily told us yes. I can't wait to return. I can't wait to smell all the smells and eat salty fish in the morning.... and rice every day for every meal. This time I will definitely be more prepared for the adventure I am about to embark on, for we are staying in an even more rural locale that has almost a mile hike up uneven stairs. Every. Day. Back to subsisting on Sky Flakes and 86 cent rum.

I yearn to be back in the field. To go home dirty and hating myself. To get into bed and fall asleep instantly from exhaustion. To dig up priceless cultural artifact and expand knowledge of such a rural area. For the first time in my life I finally am a piece of something that is far greater than myself.

This is only a portion of my beautiful Archaeology family

Negative Nancy Learns Love and Selflessness

Some times, but only sometimes, I think people try to hide their nostalgia away. I love my nostalgia. It may be one of the greatest gifts that my family passed on to me. I cherish the great memories I do have, for my childhood was punctuated with many instances of sadness.  I am in no way trying to tout that I had a rough childhood, but many things happened that could be deemed traumatizing.

My house and many of my belongings were destroyed by a flood when I was eight or nine. At this point I have tried to remove myself so far from those days in that I actually can not remember my exact age. What I do remember is living at my first grade teacher's house until the flood waters receded and she had wonderful cats. I remember having to share a futon mattress with my little sister. A mattress that rested on top of wooden pallets because our beds had been destroyed and my sister's room was a muddy disaster after the flood.

My best friend's older brother hung himself when I was seven. I can still vividly remember my mom getting the phone call from my friend's mother. Her hands instinctively shot to her mouth and she sat on her bed in silence. Then she hugged me, really tight, for a long time. I was seven. There was absolutely no way I could comprehend what was going on at that moment. Years have passed since then. Michael would've been nearly forty by now I think.  I still don't comprehend what happened.

I am sure there are many other things that happened that could be deemed "bad", but saturated with all of those bad there is so much good. My first kiss.  Winning Spring Fling Queen when I was in seventh grade. The first time I fell in love. Meeting friends who I would continue to be friends with to this day.

I historically have been a negative Nancy. No problems admitting it and believing that I couldn't accomplish anything. Living through times in my life that I thought would never end with an attitude that just perpetuated the endless pattern. I did this for a long time. Too long actually. I'd spent too much time worrying about what could happen that I wouldn't let things organically occur. I sabotaged myself. And, although kitschy, this did not change until I met my husband. The man who no longer let me perpetuate my negative mind frame, and instead, he pushed me to go. Pushed me to do.

Want to go to South America to finish your degree? Do it.
Want to go to Mexico City just to celebrate a cultural event for four days? Get out of here.
Want to go to the Philippines to follow your dreams and become a (somewhat) field trained Archaeologist? I'll see you when you get back. You make me proud.

I've spent almost 3 years married to a human who has propelled me forward in a giant world of back word. In those three years I have officially been gone for almost 6 months of them. Nearly.

And this summer, I'll be gone for another two of those months. I made the decision to revisit the Philippines and continue working on the ever-expanding South East Asian chronology. I am elated. But this decision made me think. It reminded me of how I married such a wonderful human who has never stopped, nor stood in my way, of my dreams. If anything he has slung-shot me forward.

And every day I thank my lucky stars for bringing him into my life.

I simply can not sleep

Tucker turns 25 in a little less than 36 hours. I've put so much time and effort (and mostly money) into making his birthday the best that it can be, but even then I feel like I don't do enough. It sucks being swamped by big girl shit. It is really difficult to buy something for an individual who is known to buy anything that he wants on a whim. What can I say? At least I married a man who can make up his mind. I am taking him to our haunt on Friday. La Fondue. I wrote about it this summer after I came home because he took me there. So lovely. So romantic.

On to more pressing issues:

For the last few days I have been desperately trying to locate my camera. The one that had the SD card from my trip to the Philippines. I've torn most of my house apart. Moved furniture. Cried. Asked myself what could have happened to it, where I might have hoisted it off to.  I am devastated that it has gone missing. In my worst fears, my cats knocked it into our recycling and it is lost forever. I even called the recycling plant and left them a message begging for its return if it had been found in the last few weeks.

In my best dreams, it is just sitting some where waiting for me to hold it and cry and tell it that I'm never going to part from it again. There are so many priceless memories stored on that camera and my heart breaks a little knowing that it has suddenly vanished from my home. I am truly a wreck over it. I keep thinking, "Jess, it's ok. It is only a camera. You have photos on your phone. You have photos from friends. You have priceless memories and an entire journal full of gorgeous letters describing all those beautiful things and people and places. You can get another camera". Not only that, but I keep trying to justify the loss with an oh well, looks like you're going to have to go back to take more pictures and go on more adventures around Southeast Asia this summer. I guess that is an ok coping mechanism, but it still doesn't fill that void. All those beautiful things. The thanksgiving ritual, the Mumbaki, the sacrifice, my first trench evolving. Gone. Just like that, all thanks to my negligence.

So now I pray. I pray to the camera gods that I have never known that by some stroke of beautiful chance that I find my precious and irreplaceable moments.

I guess my husband is right, I take up the pen (or key board in this case) in my saddest moments.